I Am Me

Tonight, I realized I needed to write. I was – and still am – unsure about what I need to say, what I need to convey, and in what ways I need to connect to the outside world; but, I know I need to write.

The thoughts running through my head have roots in my identity. They are tied to the black community, feminism (or womanism if you will), the LGBTQ community, and the mental ill. I still cannot put my finger on what exactly I need to articulate, but I do know that I need to be heard.

I’ve found myself reading a number of inspirational womanists tonight: bell hooks, Audre Lorde, and Sojourner Truth. To say I feel inspired would be an understatement, but inspired to do what – I just cannot formulate, I just cannot say.

But if I had to guess, I would say I’m inspired to speak of who I am, of how I identify, of who I aspire to be, one day, if not today.

I am a black, bisexual, bipolar woman. Those four identifiers most capture who I am and how I identify with and navigate through the world. Those four identifiers are what, at the end of the day, I can come back to, read about, think about and re-orient myself to when I feel lost, othered, or detached from myself and the world around me. Those four identifiers are – not exclusively – but majorly a part of who I am. Yet still, they are a part of who I am that I am encouraged, subtly and obviously, not to be – or at least not to be openly, honestly, and proudly.

Tonight I possess the bravery to be defiant of that fact. Tonight I possess the will to be unabashedly and unapologetically myself. Tonight I possess the power to defy those who wish to stifle or silence me. If this feeling of defiance will last until tomorrow remains unknown, at least for now, but at the moment I am proud to be me. I admit this feeling is, unfortunately, rather foreign. Though still I wish it be an experience of everyone. Even if only a few times, it’s validating in a manner that all should be validated, all should experience, all should feel for themselves.

We all should have the experience of being unapologetically ourselves. Whatever that means to each and every one of us. We all should have the right to proudly declare and live out who we feel we are meant to be. We all should have the right to be truly and authentically ourselves, despite who society says we should be, despite what others claim us to be.

While words have poured through me onto this page, I still cannot quite put my finger on what it is exactly my heart needs to declare, but I feel satisfied in saying that it is that I am me. I am who I am meant to be. I am proud of myself, of where and who I am today, and of where and who I will be tomorrow, and of where, who, and what I will be, eventually.